


Winter

by 13ineedpills13



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Bisexual Male Character, Bittersweet Ending, Daddy Issues, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Family Issues, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Isolation, Jealousy, M/M, Misgendering, Past Abuse, Post-Divorce, References to Depression, References to Illness, Self Confidence Issues, Sibling Rivalry, Trans Female Character, Transphobia, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27904753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/13ineedpills13/pseuds/13ineedpills13
Summary: On a winter night, Mammon is locked outside by Lucifer. He was late for curfew.He sits in in front of the house and thinks about himself for a while. What is wrong with him, why does he constantly alone?Almo gets a phone call from his sister, and thinks about his dysfunctional relationships for a while. What kind of life he is living, what should he do?---
Relationships: Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Male Character(s), Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Winter

**Author's Note:**

> Contains:  
> Transphobia (Almo's sister is a transgender woman, Almo isa cis man).  
> Misgendering.  
> Homophobia  
> References to various mental illnesses.
> 
> It's a way to write mammon angst and explain what happened to almo that caused him to distance himself from his family.

The smell of brewed coffee.

The cold and the smell of soot on the air.

The huge, grey city.

Angry teen.

Tired adult.

The seagulls that screamed during the ungodly hours of the night.

The long, electircal towers.

The crows and pigeons on the cables.

Cold railings and stairs.

The quiet, cloudy sky.

The cramped, silent bus.

The low hum of the engine. 

Rough, dirty, concrete sidewalks.

Traffic lights.

The steam coming out of one's mouth in a winter day.

Evenings were not fun during winter. Especialy when the heater doesn't work properly. Or when you are stucl outside with the door closed on your face, just like the situation The Great Mammon was under. He was outside his house, sitting on the cold stairs all by himself while he fiddled with his phone, his thick and stylish coat wrapping his body completely. But still, he shivered under the cold december breeze and the smell of smoke coming from on of the many chimneys downtown, and wet soil. 

He was locked outside by Lucifer, because he was late for his curfew. That stubborn asshole with fifty sticks up his asshole locked him outside, without even giving him a chance to explain himself. He huffed, twirling the credit card in his hands. This one reached it limits as well tonight.

He shuddered more as the hazy memories of tonight made themselves clearer to him, his face paled. It wasn't like he was in any trouble, he decided not to gamble and do stupid shit tonight. It was just that... His chest suddenly started to tighten when he saw a few couples walking around, right after he exited the club. Most of these people seemed to be around his age, holding hands together. Standing close to each other as they waited their bus to arrive. Buying some hot drinks from a stand nearby. Walking through stores... 

He felt a strange emotion, and looked down on his shoes. Putting his hands in his jackets, he adjusted the bag on his shoulder and got a blank expression, his face displayed a silent sadness, and his heart felt like it was leaking poison. He felt extremely lonely and cold all of a sudden, small tears appearing on his eyes. He quickly turned to his left and began walking in the wet concrete ground.

He felt something cold on his nose and looked up, and saw white dots appearing and coming closer to him from the sky. His blue eyes creased and he closed them when he felt s strange pain in them, staring directly at the sky hurt his eyes for some reason. The tears in his eyes were long gone, as he lowered his head. He saw the annoyingly white light of the lamp nearby the entrance of the huge mansion. The naked trees created a weird orchestra out of the blowing wind, singing songs to his cold, red ears. This year's first snow was finally landing.

He sighed, and hugged his coat even tighter, in an attempt to warm himself. He slowly got up and streched his aching knees, hearing a few cracks and sighing. He then got up on the stairs and sat right under the door this time, at least he couldn't get any snow on himself and the wind blocked out in here, thanks to the decorative ceiling outside the door. He pulled his knees close and entertwined his fingers close to his chest, to keep himself warm.

He blinked a couple of times.

He saw various faces here and there.

Mainly a head of black hair, and maybe a pair of peachy, pink and yellow eyes. Some were smiling. Some were angry. Some were screaming in a very familiar and specific way from excitement. 

He blinked a couple of more times, to get rid of the sticky feeling in his eyes.

Because of the blurry world he saw without his glasses, he thought he saw a huge house with a ceiling made out of... brownies. Yeah, that was the best way to describe it. Brownies... That didn't exist when he was a child. But they had many milk based sweets. Along with honey. Or mollasses. Some hazelnuts and walnuts were also sprinkled here and there, but walnuts were hated by the entire family. No one liked the bitter, repulsive taste of walnuts. Even though Lucifer made them eat those things by force sometimes.

"You six are still growing. It's good for you." He would say, when in reality he didn't want to admit how expensive these things were down in the human world. Same for milk. "You'll be taller." Young Lucifer would say, and make Asmodeus and him drink a cup of warm milk every night. When in reality, he knew milk wasn't that healthy. But to this day, he still never admitted the side effects of it and believes that it is a vessel of calcium.

Mammon blinked more frequently this time, and struggled to breathe a bit. He took a deep, weird sounding breathe through his nose.

He looked at his hands and blew some hot air on them, watching his breathe evaporate into a smoke and disappear in the atmosphere. He rubbed them together and sighed. He felt wet stuff on his hands, and a salty taste in his mouth. He sniffled again, and snuggled up to himself even more. He wanted to become one with the door and dissappear for a while. Just for a while. Only for a while... Until he feels better again.

He felt alone in this endless universe. Even though he knew that deep down, his family loved him. But these thoughts were just so deep in his head that he never recalled them. It was covered by daily degradation. The tangled and ripped up yarn of emotions inside his head was waiting to be fixed by someone. He tried to fool himself that he already fixed this issue, that he was okay. He had no problems. He was just an attention seeking, overly sensitive loser. 

But some days, just like tonight he felt the control losing his body. His own mind couldn't control itself sometimes. 

Not that he had control on himself most of the time. That was the reason why he was treated like shit 24/7. But being asked to end his existence and constantly being reminded that he was the lowest standard when it came to most things, it became kind of too much.

He wondered, was anyone going to hold this hand of his once in his eternal life? Was be ever going to feel happiness, feel someone else's touch on his cheeks and hair? Was he ever going to hold someone close to him after a tiring day? Was be ever going to be loved by anyone? Why couldn't he distinguish the feelings of appreciation and love for a friend, and a romantic love towards someone? What is the difference between them, when he just wanted close contact and casuallness? Had he ever felt romantic love before? Had he ever been loved by someone else? 

What did he do to deserve being so alone?  
If it was his stupidity, he would read more books. Learn about common sense.   
If it was his looks, he would change his fashion sense, facial structure and occasional make-up style in a flash.  
If it was his personality, he would change into a completely different person. He would try and do it. He would be better, more likable. He would be someone that people would look up to. He had the power. 

He just wanted to be loved.  
He was desperate for any type of love at this point.

But there was no one there. And there was no one going to be there.

\---

"...What did you call me for?"

"Almo, I want to talk."

"We have nothing to talk about. Who gave you my number?"

"That's not the point. Listen to me."

The woman on the other side of the phone was me with silence, and she took it as a positive answer. She began talking, twirling one of her thick, long hair strands with her finger. 

"Look... I am a part of the reason why you don't talk with your family anymore. I know. And... And I feel guilty for it."

Almo stared at the phone with disgust, and considered turning off the call to her face. But that would be very rude. He stared at the phone in his dry, hurting hands and opened the speaker mode, before cleaning the strawberries he put inside the salt and vinegar water on the counter. He took them one by one, and started to wash them thoroughly. "Go on." He said. He was careful to not count in his head when he cleaned or ate things nowadays. Even though he felt weirdly cranky when he couldn't do it, he tried his best. He wanted his therapist to trust him after all. 

"...So, what I wanted to do was... I want to take you out for a coffee and talk things with you, thoroughly. I also want to pay my debt back to you."

"I told you, I don't need to money I gave you back. If you are talking about your surgeries." He put the first strawberry on the plate, and took the other. The water sloshed inside the cup gently, he purposefully didn't turn it on too much. He didn't want to waste water. He also wanted to hear her.

"You paid for my hormones too, I started taking them when I was seventeen. It's been 3 years since then, then you paid for my top surgery. You bought me a lot of things, you helped me with affording therapy as well." 

"How old are you now?"

"Twenty one..."

"And I am twenty seven. Michelle, I have a stable job, I can afford food, I have a health insurance, and I am doing well, all by myself. It's not your job to be concerned about me and..."

Oh yeah.  
His mother died a few years ago.

Sensing his hesitation, Michelle continued. 

"What about dad?"

" _Your father._ "

"He is your father as well."

Almo slowly closed the tap and put the strawberries aside. Taking a deep breath, he dried his hands and picked up the phone. 

"Michelle, what do you want from me? I CLEARLY don't want to he associated with you. Just because I paid for your medicines and a part of your surgery, doesn't mean I am going to be there for you no matter what. You are a stranger I happened to help out."

"Why else would you cut all contact with them then!?"

"..."

"I know you don't talk to them anymore because of me! Because they denied me, just for being a woman! Don't you understand, I feel guilty for destroying your relationship because of trying to be myself. And- And it sucks. I don't like it. I want to be your sister again! I- Look, I always wondered what kind of brother I had. I met you a couple of times, and when I got to now you a bit better, I... I realized how important you are. I realized the reason why you didn't like me is because dad used to pay attention to me more than you, and left you all alone with that crazy woman."

"Don't speak of a dead woman like that."

"He used to scrub your shoulders and back so hard that it left scars there, I've seen them. Don't interrupt me." She firmly said, and quickly went on. "Look, Almo. Dad doesn't have much time left. And everyone else in the family rejected me. And you rejected them. And now, you are rejecting me as well. Levi wants you to be happy, his brothers does too! You are all alone, you don't even go outside often!"

Almo fell silent. Scarily silent.

When Michelle mentioned Leviathan's name, his brain short circulated and his train of angry thoughts came to a crash. 

Michelle and Leviathan had fallen in love with each other a couple years ago, before his mother died. Their love was cute, pure. They looked at each other with genuine happiness, adored each other's presence. They stood up for each other. Leviathan's anxiety was soothed when she was around, and Michelle felt accepted with Leviathan around. She felt safe from the unaccepting, angy society she tried to survive in.  
And they got married a year ago.  
Almo was present as well. He walked her down the isle and gave her to Leviathan's arms. For a moment too long, he didn't let go of her hand, and looked at Leviathan.

Just a millisecond too long.   
Maybe that was his last chance at keeping him close to himself.   
But he failed to do so.

Almo got into a huge fight with his mother and so called father.  
He didn't know the reason why he stood up for her. He could always leave her like that, just to make her suffer. But even he wasn't that cruel. Something about it didn't sit well with him when Almo put himself in Michelle's shoes. He called this father later that evening, and went all off on him. Calling him a piece of shit, a human garbage, a waste of sperm. And still, he thought that he deserved it. The same man tried to reach out to him years later, and called him a slur when he found out that Almo said that he liked men and women. 

He said; "I'm sure I have no gay sperm in my balls, so you can't be gay. I already have a" (He said a pretty bad slur there about his daughter, which shot Almo's eyes wide open and made him visibly flinch. He couldn't believe someone could take a filthy word like that in their mouth.) "son already, I expect you to be a decent man."   
right to his son's face, in a crowded cafe. Almo fell silent for what felt like 459th time day, quietly got up from his seat under the eyes of many other customers, and dumped the hot coffee in front of him down his "father's" head. Under his shocked eyes, he blowed a kiss to him with his middle finger, and got his bag on his shoulder. 

"Now I see why Michelle's mother wants to leave you. There is no hope for you."

"...Almo-"

"You don't even know how to clean under your nails, and you keep spewing out the shit you took this morning!" He raised his voice, to let everyone know that what kind of person he was. "If you even DARE TO contact me or her ever again, I will call the cops on you. You hear me? I will do as I say. Stay out of our lives!"

He wasn't sure why he defended Michelle out of everyone there as well. There wasn't a reason why he wouldn't exactly, other than the envy he felt during his childhood. But for some reason, a part of him didn't want to admit that he cared about her. Michelle didn't mean most of the things she did, most of them happened because of her existence that she didn't ask for in the first place, and Almo knew he was being very childish and stupid for being jealous of the fact that she got some of the fatherly love he craved for.  
Until she came out anyway.

Then Almo realized how wrong he was about the father he missed, but never wanted to admit that he wanted him in his life. He still felt bad when he recalled the days when he waited for his father to pull up, bring him to an amusement park or a restaurant. Where they could have fun together. But his father was always busy with taking care of his daughter. 

He wanted a loving father.  
Not one that left him all alone with an abusive mother and didn't fight for custody. And then rejected both of his children for being who they are.

Even when he came to terms with the fact that his father is a misogynistic piece of shit that didn't deserve to even breathe on the same planet as him (which took him way too long because the small child inside him still "loved" his "father") he still had one more hugr obstacle to deal with.  
The fact that Leviathan, the man he is in love with, is happily married with his sister.

He attended the wedding when Levi gave him the invitation. He wore his purple and white suit, and refused to touch anything black that night. This was supposed to be a happy event, there was no room for mourning. He couldn't get closer to Lucifer, who wore mostly black. During his speech, since he was the only relative of the bride, he couldn't help but space out for a moment towards the end. His eyes met Levi's at that moment.  
Such a lovely shade of orange. He quickly averted his own honey shaded eyes and looked back at the paper on his hand, now speaking with more emotion.

"...There is no greater joy for me than seeing my dearest friend, Leviathan, agreeing to spend his life with the woman he loves wholeheartedly. Their marrige will bring happiness to both of the families present in this wedding." He swallowed secretly, his eyes watering and his voice quivering slightly. The ache in his gut didn't made anything better either. "A... Ahem," He cleared his throat and went on, tears blurring his vision. He tried not to blink and let them escape. 

"As for Michelle, she came from a rough path throughout her entire life. I'm glad she is here now. They are the perfect fit for each other, and I couldn't ask for a better match for both of them. I... I wish them happiness." He folded the paper and put it in his pocket, and excused himself for a moment. He got off of the stage and hurried to the bathroom. He heard someone coming behind him, but didn't pay any mind to them. 

He used to love tangerines and oranges. But, for some reason, he couldn't eat, or even look at one without his eyes watering anymore.

"...Almo, you still there?"

"...I am. Sorry for yelling at you." He said and sighed, staring at the strawberries he washed. He felt a bad taste rising up in his mouth and spoke for the last time before turning off his phone and popping one in his mouth.

"I'll text you when I'm ready."

_Click._

He quietly opened the portal to Devildom after whispering a spell, and stepped into the whiteness. When he closed and reopened his eyes, he was standing right in front of the House of Lamentation.

\---

"What the hell are you doing there?"

"Luci didn't allow me in. I passed curfew."

"...You'll catch a cold there. Come on. The portal is still open."

"Nah. Don't wanna be an inconvenience."

"You won't be one, as long as you take off your shoes and let me clean your clothes."

"...Fine. Thank you, Almo."

"Anytime." The human smiled a little as Mammon walked in with his slumped shoulders. It was the time to hear about this unloved man's tale, and forgot about his own complex relationships for a while.


End file.
